What if...

What if today I got out of bed and called the furnace repair man to so we'll have heat again. (As it stopped working Saturday and was really noticeable Sunday.)

What if I emptied the dishwasher and loaded it again?

What if I wiped all the counters down?

What if I walked out my front door and went to a store down the road to get a new air filter for the furnace? (Yes, that was what was wrong with it. Paid $75 to be told I just needed a new filter. Was then offered 4 filters for $90. I know I'm a little out of it, but I'm not stupid.) I bought two 90 filters for $10.

I still have issues of driving too far from my home. Thankfully there is a hardware store next to the grocery store, next the pharmacy, next to the liquor store.

What if I did just a few of the little things to help keep order in our home and maybe, just maybe I can hold onto those things so that when the dark starts to seep in I'll have those good things to gling to?

I went and had a Shamanic Healing done this past Saturday. It took everything I had to get there, and I was anxious the whole way as I was driving in areas I don't know, to a place I'd never been, to meet a woman I don't know. (Blue Deer Shamanic Healing) It was a 30 minute healing that felt like 10. It was amazing and something I walked away with was the "What if" concept.

So today, I took care of the kitchen. I called the furnace repair company to have the furnace fixed. (I HATE being cold.) I bought new filters for the furnace and our home is slowly warming up.

I missed the FedEx guy while I was out (He was pulling out of my street as I was pulling in. :( But he should be returning this afternoon. The package is for me and it's from my employer. I'm doing the best I can to keep the anxiety away as to what may be contained in said package (most like envelope).

The laundry is being done. The last load is in the washer. I've already put away two loads. The bed is made.

It's all the little steps. The baby steps towards the right direction, towards my goal of getting better, of learning to manage to depression and my anxiety. To find the courage to drive further than a mile down the road.

All the paperwork has been turned in for long-term disability, now I just wait for the phone to ring to let me know what has been decided.

What if the FedEx package contains bad news? I should turn that what if on it's head and think, what if it contains good news?