Sad

I am starting to hear sounds, like a door opening or closing. I've been hearing them for days now, when no one is home.

My self-harming has been getting worse. It's scrapes at the top of my hands, something for the world to see. I do not hide them on the tender parts of my arm. 

It is difficult. I know I need help. I fear being placed in the hospital, as it will do me no good here, I already know how to "play" the system. Never mind I fear the cost of the hospital bills. 

I am lost. I know I am not alone, but I certainly feel alone. As though I cannot be honest with anyone. Not my therapist, my doctor, no one. 

The sounds scare me. The constant desire to cut frightens me. 

How much longer am I to survive like this?