Beltania

Tomorrow my partner and I head out to volunteer at the Beltania Festival. The Turtle (my wonderful SUV) is almost loaded (waiting for the morning to load the coolers and put them in there, along with last minute items that we'll need tonight) and the trailer we borrowed from a friend is loaded.

This evening I make a ton of cookies (over 100) to take, as they are yummy, fun to share with others, and a good pick me up between meals.

I'm about to go and push my limits of my social anxiety. I am the fire tender for 6 sweats for the Sweat Lodge my partner and I run at the festival. I have my coping bag packed with things to help me focus and plenty of people know through my partner to give me space and be a bit more gentle.

I am torn between wanting to go and wanting to just stay at home. I've never felt this way about the Festival before. We've been doing this for 5 years now (I think) and I've always enjoyed going and have always been excited. This year, not so much. Every year is better than the last. I will be doing my best to enjoy myself, and if nothing else, enjoy the outdoors.

Here's to my coping skills and to listening to myself and not allowing things to overwhelm me. As my partner says, "We've got this."